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Thursday, December 24, 2009

He'Brew - Jewbelation 13 Bar Mitzvah

Dead Soldier
Where to Dig Up More About This Beer
He'Brew Jewbelation 13 Bar Mitzvah
Shmaltz Brewing
New York, USA
Est. 1996 (5757 Hebrew Metonic Cycle)

Brain Damage Quotient = 13.0 % ABV
Fluid Oz. = 22.0 

Postmortem Brew Review
Brown; dark and sinister color.
Herbal, earthy, floral hop aroma.

Chocolate roasty malt balances out the hops.
Fruit flavors like plum or raisin all muddled up in the background.
One fingered head, off-white in color that dissipates fairly rapidly.
Medium amount of lacing when swirled in glass.

Hops warmth and touch of roast malt sweetness after each sip.
Extremely complex flavor layering.  Medium to heavy in body.

Grim Reaper's Eulogy
13 is noted in history as being an unlucky number.  Why does it get such a bad rap?  It is The Reaper's favorite and has been much maligned throughout the years.  Let's take a look, shall we?

Triskaidekaphobia is the fear of that number; totally irrational! Don't we need a number between 12 and 14?  That would certainly mess up mathematics if it were not present.  After all, we need to know the cube root of 2197 every once in a while, right?  And what about those hotels that refuse to number a floor 13?  Ridiculous!  Guess what, that makes the 14th floor really the 13th floor!  Moving on.  There were 13 present at the Last Supper, not so lucky for Jesus, but the outcome was fortunate for Christianity, was it not?  And let's not forget that The Grim Reaper has 13 letters in it...I'd be lost, otherwise!  And I have a job to do, so let's get on with it!

13 is an age when children are officially known as teenagers; that's right kids, there's no such thing as ten-teen, eleven-teen or twelve-teen!  So here you are no longer an infant nor child, but not quite an adult yet, either.  And that's okay.  It begins an age where youth becomes unsuppressed and actions take over for real knowledge.  In other words, you get to explore yourself with reckless abandon.  The Jewish community of the world celebrates this wonderful right of passage with Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah.

Unbridled and unrestrained, the folks at Shmaltz have stretched their attitude beyond limits to create this unusual and yet wonderful 13th anniversary ale. As a purveyor of lagers and ales, Jewbelation 13 will exceed your expectations.  Often listed as an American Double or even an Imperial Stout, I have it on authority straight from Shmaltz founder Jeremy Cowan's mouth that, " can't pigeon hole or put a label on this ale."  Yes, he is indeed correct.

This pours out viscous, dark and aromatic.  It's enough to scare the bejesus out of anybody.  Fear not my friends, muahahahaha!  It's nectarlicious!  Oh!  My goodness.  I call Trademark on that term!  Listen up!  You mortals have been treated to one of the biggest, boldest, nectarlicious™ enjoyments in a bottle.  Now you might want to call a cab or other designated driver if you enjoy one of these, alone.  The 13 malts give a full bodied rich almost chewy texture while the 13 hops add heat, spice and sear your taste buds.  Amazingly balanced with a surprisingly sweet and yummy finish.  A touch of alcohol stings you to remind that this is a grownup ale you're drinking.  Rounding out the trilogy is the 13 ABV it achieves.

So, in conclusion, it's not for the faint of heart, but neither is the ritual of passing into adulthood.  Some might say it's all over the place, but what 13 year old isn't?  Be 13 again and celebrate your own rambunctious adult right of passage with this enormous ale.


  1. I bought some of this yesterday. I had the Jewbelation 12 much earlier this year (while I was but a wee beer blogger). It was definitely WAAAY over my head.

    I expect Jewbelation 13 to still be over my head. Maybe I can enjoy it more than the 12 given I know a little more about beer now. :)


  2. It is the biggest beer/ale I have had to date. And it's definitely one to take slowly. A huge beer with lots of punch. I met Zak Davis and Jeremy Cowan of Shmaltz at GABF in Denver this year and had quite a nice time sampling this one within a cab ride of my hotel....enjoy!

  3. A touch of alcohol you say? I'd have to argue that there's a bit more than a mere touch. Otherwise we wouldn't have all passed out during that movie after sharing a bottle between the 3 of us. LOL!

  4. Reaper
    Chug it! I did. Then chug another. Then you can go out in your shorts and CI t-shirt and build a snowman. Excellent brew

  5. Now that's the way to get your 13 year old on! Ha ha! I love my CI t-shirt too! Gets me lots of strange looks from passers-by.

  6. Rick, I finally had this last night and it was real good! Your review is right on as always.